Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Sometimes I wish I didn't write the way I do. Maybe if I wrote sparkly vampires or happy characters or something I would have an easier time getting publisher (or agented.)
Sometimes, I also wish I was taller. At 5'6.75 inches, I'm a little shorter than I would like to be. And, technically, I'm not quite "tall" in women's clothing-- the magic number we're looking for is 5'7". Too short to be "tall," too tall to be average. (But we'll stay away from that bane of my existence: clothes shopping.)
Neither one is likely to change. For better or for worse.
Aside from the fact that I like writing Bo Fexler stories, I realize that I'm just not that talented of a writer. I can't change voices. I write first person for a character-- Bo-- who is akin to me and my thinking in many ways. Much of her thinking is mine, only exaggerated or bent or such. But she does get to say all the cool lines that I only think of ten minutes after the opportunity has passed. And she's sexy and confident. It's fun.
But I have enough trouble getting into the heads of my minor characters just to portray them well in opposition to Bo. I have to think long and hard about their motivation. Even writing a character who I know is lying to Bo is hard, because I have to keep reminding myself of the character's motivation even for lying.
Now, it's either my writing in general, my storytelling, or my character (who isn't as much fun in PG format), but I'm not cracking into the top, most prestigious mystery fiction markets. Sometimes, I'd like to know why-- when I'm insulating myself, I'll maintain that it's because of Bo's sexy and smart ass female character. But there's always that niggling doubt that I'm just a hack. Hell, I can't even break into the erotica market... which I thought might have been easy with one oft-rejected story.
I haven't given up on Bo. And someone'll be prying my cold dead hands off my keyboard before I stop writing in general. Someday, maybe I'll be a better writer and be able to write a character that's not Bo Fexler. So far, it hasn't happened. Even my attempts last NaNoWriMo to write a new character ended up still feeling like a version of Bo.
Some days, it would be nice to be able to write something that could hit the big time. Some days, I'd really like that sort of validation of my writing ability.
Until then, at least I enjoy what I do.