Bad Girls

It's not uncommon at all for so-called "good girls" to want to save those "bad boys." There's also the interminable, and for many women, undeniable appeal of the bad boy who does what he wants and lives by his own rules. (Hey, don't look at me. I snagged one of the "nice guys.")

But what about bad girls? What about the girl that you might not want to bring home to mother? The one who makes her own rules, especially about (gasp!) sex. I'm not thinking guys have any of the desire to save the bad girl. She is, ultimately, about the fun for now.

Of course, I do think that those bad girls-- or their lesser counterparts, the spunky, feisty, or "independent" women-- have a much harder time finding long term relationships, even as they begin to mellow. Their spunk makes them fun and exciting, different and enjoyable, but like the bad boy, she's not long term relationship appeal.

Now, this is different in fiction. Those bad girls of fiction are always fun. There're few, if any, of the relationship problems that will come up with a strong willed person who does things solely by their own rules. But we don't really want to see these strong women settle down with a nice man (or woman) do we? We certainly wouldn't expect that from a 'bad boy.'

I admit that the whole romance/ settling down thing that always creeps into so many female-lead stories always drives me nuts. I want to continue reading books with butt-kicking bad girls. Not nest-building and babies.

Not that I'm worried about any long-term relationships with Bo at the moment. First I need to get the series launched.  Then, Bo and I are going to have some fun. 

Transitions

I'm not very good at writing transitions in my stories. Lucky for me, life tends to push onwards, whether or not the transition is any good.

But, it's the end of 2009. I've been in the New House for a year now. We call it "The Money Pit." (I'd like that movie better if that shrill chick wasn't playing opposite Tom Hanks. But I still like the story. And story trumps all.)

Owning a house has certainly cut into my writing time. I'm rather embarrassed to admit that I have done little writing this fall. It's been a busy couple of months. As always, I plan and hope and wish to write more.

Unfortunately, 2009 was not the year I landed an agent. It was a year of many things, though, including completion of Grad School (which freed up time and money that was then spent on the house... hm. Dang.) I'm still hoping for 2010 as the year I land an agent.

I never feel anything new or different as one year turns into the next. The most I ever feel is that frustration over writing the wrong damn year on the checks for about six weeks. Perhaps the calendar is turning over a new page, but my life will continue on, one day after the next, same as before.

No wonder there's no symbolism in my writing... I don't buy into symbolism in my life. For those of you that make something special of the changing of the years, enjoy.

May we all see more of Bo in the new year. (Not like that... well, maybe. ;-)

My Response to Harlequin's "Reprinting" the Pulps

Harlequin is reprinting some of the old pulps-- you know, those old books with plenty of sex and violence-- the sort of story where Bo Fexler would fit right in.

Except they're "editing" them to make them more politically correct. Apparently, Harlequin never even read the Wikipedia article on pulp fiction books... like where it says that pulps were "perhaps best remembered for their lurid and exploitative stories."

So apparently in Harlequin's reprints, instead of walking down these mean streets, the detective will walk down mildly disgruntled streets.

At Least They Know They're Bad At It

Ah, it's grading-time again in this English teacher's classroom. Which means, I spend a whole day preparing myself to read some incredible work.

Many of my students either don't know or don't care about grammar, spelling, and mechanics. Few know how to tell a story. These are high school kids... I'm doing my best, but I can't overcome motivational deficiencies.

But, at least my students generally know they're not good writers. They don't think that their work is of publishable quality. They just want to get their credit and move on. Sadly, few actually want to learn anything while earning the credit.

I can only imagine if I was reading their work in a slush pile. I'm already somewhat disheartened by the lack of quality, time, and attention. (Why, yes, I do worry about the future in these kids' hands.) It would be awful to slog through such poorly written work from people who mistakenly think they are good at it. People who want to see me select their work as the best of all, suitable for publication.

While my collection of writing samples is from a particular, low-standards group, I do, from time to time, get students who think they are good and would love to be published. Students who've never noticed how quotation marks are used, who 'have no idea' where to put periods in their writing, who don't even bother to break their writing in paragraphs (unless required by their teacher who's eyes glaze over with huge chunks of horrible text.)

In writing, as with many things, I've come to the conlusoin, that those who are bad often don't realize that they are bad at it. Bad drivers never see that their close-calls or citations are from their own actions. Bad writers don't think that their poor handling of the craft is reason for rejection. Those with poor social skills may just think the world hates them. And American Idol is a lovely tribute to the people who think they can sing... but shouldn't ever be allowed to, again.

Yes, I'm procrastinating. That's something I know I'm good at...

Professional v. Profanity

I'm starting to fear that being professional is a lost art to some kids these days. And some grown ups. Particularly in the age of insta-communication-- emails and texts written without forethought or afterthought.

My students usually smile when I tell them during the first day song and dance that I understand that profanity becomes habit. They smile and nod to each other. Then they get all flummoxed when I tell them taht I can out-swear the best of them. And I could. I can string profanity and vulgarities together in a way to make even the most bad ass high school wigger stop and stare. But I also know when not to use it.

When I'm heavy into writing, I notice that my speech pattern is altered a bit. I use more big words, even in the classroom than otherwise. I'm also more prone to being vulgar and shocking. Though you'd think my Hubby would be used to the things that come out of my mouth... even writing the words makes those speech patterns seep into my speech.

I don't have any real problem cleaning up my foul mouth for teaching (good thing!) though the occasional snarky line does sneak out. Luckily, each time it was with students that found it more amusing to hear such a thing from their teacher than offensive to hear it in school.

Nor do I have any problem writing polite, professional emails. In fact, I have a hard time being ME in email. I'm usually in something similar to "teacher-mode" that's nice, polite, and proofreads twenty-seven times to make sure that what I've written has a very high likelihood of coming across as intended.

I do, however, have trouble cleaning up my fiction for those markets that request things that way. I don't write clean by nature. To clean up, I usually go back in edits. And when I'm done, I always feel like the color has been bleached out of the story. Sometimes I think taht should I release a collection of Bo Fexler stories someday, that I'd go back and re-write the profanity and vulgarities back where they 'belong.'

Of course, the funniest part of all this, is I only swear at top strength around Hubby and a few other select people who I know don't find it offensive in anyway. I respect their right to not heard my creative use of bad words. But, man, they are missing out on some great lines...

Writing About Writing

I have no problem blogging about the process of writing. About adding words, deleting scenes, even about getting stuck.

But for some reason, I can't write about the story itself. I just can't write about the great scene I came up with (other than in generic, nondescript words.) And I can't post great lines I came up with.

I've thought about it many times.

But I can never put those words on the blog. Into the public.

What if the story turns out to be a dud? What if the story takes months to finish because it is difficult? What if that 'great line' has to be cut or edited out (as, sadly, happens far more than I would like)?

I think it's like my reticence regarding future plans. I don't like to talk about my plans for fear that they not work out. And then someone might feel the need to remind me of a failed plan, a mistake.

So, I write about writing. About female characters. And a little bit about life.

Still waiting to write about getting my novel published. In the mean time, I have stories to work on. I've got two short stories to edit before I start submitting them. And a novel to finish.

Long and Short

While stalling on my novel, which is in a bit of overhaul at the moment, I went through my shorts, looking for unpublished, near-finished, and reviewing submissions status. To my surprise, I only have three stories left right now, in a close to finish or finished status. I submitted one. I have to re-query on another. And a third is just kind of an oddball that I don't know whether to revise or submit elsewhere as is.

It has been a very, very long time since I had this few short stories bouncing around my computer, waiting for homes.

Truthfully, I kind of miss the shorts. I miss the form and the instant gratification that comes with the completion. Right now, I don't have any short ideas, oddly. I do, however, have the novel on the forefront of my brain. Thinking and rethinking my pacing and plotting and tension and conflict.

Writing shorts is a whole different mindset than long stories. In many ways, shorts are different structure. It's a much carefuller focus and many ideas just won't fit in the short form. A problem that's compounded by the many zines who are looking for 2500 words and other small amounts. It's like stuffing a fluffy down comforter into milk crate. It just isn't going to fit. A pillow, on the other hand, stuffs quite nicely.

With the novel, I think a lot about the entire thing, the next scene, the last couple scenes, the set up, the pacing, and so on. It makes it harder to juggle between ideas unless I'm already sure of the next part(s) and it's merely a matter of writing them. Those are fun writing days.

Though the current overhaul has been trying. It's trying to piece together where I'm going while cutting out what didn't work, but also keeping the pacing from being too quick through the plot. And to that some screwing formatting issues that are making things harder than they should, and it's just been easier to go watch HGTV with Hubby all evening than work on the revisions.

Man... this was supposed to be a short post. I can't even write short blog posts or emails at the moment.

Words, words, words

During the last several weeks while I was finishing grad school, I spent a lot of time reading research reports and studies. They included a lot of graphs, tables, and charts. I realized that I actually hate graphs, tables, and charts. I would find myself searching for that information to be given in my preferred form: words. Just words.

I already knew that I am very, very much a visual learner. If you just say something to me, there's a really, really, high chance that it won't even register. The hardest classes I ever took were ones heavy on lecture. I would have to force myself not to just mentally wander off. Auditory stimuli is easy for me to ignore. Still, it surprised me to realize just how much I prefer reading words to charts. (With a few exceptions, of course.)

Okay, fine.

But then I realized, I dream words. And daydream words. I don't dream pictures-- rarely do I get the "movie-in-your-head" dreams. Nope, I dream words. I think them in my dreams-- not read or hear, just think. Like a narrator, sort of. I might have scenery backdrop to these dreamed words. And in my dreams, I reorder the words to be more aesthetically pleasing, rewriting even my dreams.

In some ways, this is nice. I think it makes it easier to 'translate' the story in my head to the page. I'm already thinking the words. It's just a matter of sending them down to the ends of my fingers, into a keyboard, onto the page. We can debate the quality of said stories another time.

And I'm curious-- what about you? How do you dream? If you're a writer, how do your stories... come to you?

Confidence

I guess I've lucked out in this regard. From reading posts and comments by other writers, apparently, it's fairly common to cycle between happy with one's writing and unhappy with it. Or more aptly put, to cycle between thinking one is amazing and one should just burn all the pencils and paper in the house to prevent ever putting words to paper again. And delete Word from the computer. And bandage one's hands together so not even the blood from a finger tip could be used to scrawl out a few written words.

I usually like what I write, thus, I'm happy with it.

If I 'm not, I fix it. But I'm no longer as averse to editing as I once was, so if I've written dreck-- perhaps mind-scrapings at the end of a long day just so that I can say I've written something-- I know that I can clean it up later. Usually, there's something that can be salvaged, even in dreck. Except that one story... which will never be spoke of again. What story?

You know, some people go watch those cheesy "horror" movies that have turned the definition of horror from shocking to gore-fest. And people enjoy it. I'm guessing either the makers are complete sellouts, or, more likely, they actually like what they've created and think it's worth watching.

Not everything I write is laugh-out loud/ stare in wonder goodness. But overall, when I completely finish a story (all revised, etc.) then I am happy with it. I think it's good. I like what I have created.

The problem, however, lies in aligning what I like with what publishers are looking for. My husband tells me rather frequently that I'm not like other people. (He says it's why he picked me. I say he better say that or that $100k bounty life insurance policy will be looking mighty nice!) I mean, I liked Pepsi Crystal when it was out!

Maybe this is a problem. Maybe because I like what I've written, I don't see where it's failing. Of course, it doesn't help that there is so little out there-- in books and movies-- that I do actually write. I have particularly tastes. Writing the book I want to read means writing something that I have not yet found anywhere in books or movies. I still like what I've written. Even if it doesn't fit with what others-- what publishers-- want.

Like a Girl...

Sandra Seamans posted the link to this article, by Bev Vincent called "Apparently I write Like a Girl" (Bev is not a girl, inspite of how he might write.)

Great article. Biases fascinate me. The idea that a certain gender writer can or cannot write a certain gender character convincingly is such a curious concept. To me, it's not the gender, but the writing.

I've read books with female characters that didn't strike me as being very real. I chalked it up to stereotypes and lack of character development. Not author gender. Having balls or boobs does not make one able to write convincing characters of the same gender. A male writer can buy into all the stereotypes of how men area supposed to act just as they could of how women are supposed to act. Neither set of stereotypes works terribly well in fiction or in real life, IMNHO. And I know far too many people of both gender who act largely according to a particular set of gender stereotypes.

While it's a little surprising (and disappointing) that there are still people who make assumptions based merely on gender, it's even more disappointing that those assumptions become expectations. And it's hard to break free from expectations. Hard for someone who sees sex as primarily physical to write emotion into the act, even if it is expected. Hard to write a "real" female character if one's definition of "real" doesn't include enough of the expected characteristics.

After all, in fiction, the bottom line is this: it doesn't matter if it's true, the reader has to believe it.

Dropbox

Sometime after settling into my new home (one I hope to live in for the next half-century or so), I started to think about potentially losing this home. I don't know why this thought never occurred before in the several places I've lived, but it came up now.

I'm good about backing up my important files (which is pretty much all of them ;-) on a regular basis. Being a teacher certainly helps in that regard, since at the end of the semester, I go through my ritual of clearing out and backing up last semester's files. I burn the previous semester's worth of school materials on to a CD, and while I'm burning CD's I also burn my writing onto a CD and everything else I've stored up. (Okay, technically, it's several CD's.)

But then it occurred to me, on the tails of the aforementioned worry of losing the house, that if something catastrophic happened to my house-- fire, tornado, sink hole-- then all those lovely back up CD's that sit in a box NEXT to my computer would be just as screwed as my computer. Hmm.

Then, the internet revealed the answer for me. (Well, Absolute Write WaterCooler and the collection of crazy people over there.) Dropbox.

Dropbox provides off site storage. You download the application. It sets up a folder on your computer during the install process. (Or perhaps more accurately, a box on your computer? Ha ha?) Any file copied or moved into the Dropbox file will be uploaded to Dropbox. You can log into your dropbox account on the internet and access your files. Any files updated are synchronized.

Anyway, I like it. I stuck my Writing folder in there and when I make big changes to a file, I copy them into the Dropbox folder. It's nice knowing that I have a safe back up.

Just in case.

Oh, and I do realize that this active imagination is good for fiction, not so good for real life. This same imagination means I've been sleeping with a nightlight for, oh, twenty-eight years. Now, if I could just make some money off it...

Need for Creativity or Logic?

While starting a story takes creativity, I'm going to make the argument that continuing-- and finsihing-- a story takes more logic than creativity. The dominoes are all set up, creatively, and there is really only a small number of logical conclusions to the scenario. Especially in crime fiction, I think this holds true.

Crimes are solved more through deduction than imagination. Put together the motive, the opportunity, the means, and the answer comes out. Once a story is set up-- then it becomes a matter of figuring out, from the clues already there, what the most likely scenario is.

Add in the normal facts that crime solvers use-- like how most crimes are committed by someone who knows the victim, and that murders are usually committed by a current or past lover, and it becomes easier to play out the scenarios. There's still some creativity, I suppose, in making up these situations for imaginary people, but stealing from real life doesn't take much creativity. (Watching Court Tru TV will help with this angle.)

A conflict has been presented-- what is the most likely conclusion? What has happened in real life? How can that fit with the story? What if? And what happens next?

Even "uncreative" people can solve mysteries when presented with the clues. So to can writers who've set up the conflict in their own writing.

Bias alert?-- Whenever I take those right/ left brain quizzes, I come up more left-brained. Except it's the right brain that is supposed to be the creative side. As in, writers tend to be more right brained than left. Except me. =) But I guess that just proves that writing CAN be a logical process so much as it is a creative process.

Staying Busy

I work better when I'm busy. I get more done when I'm busy. I'm less prone to just puttering around the internet when I know that time is finite for said project.

Which is why the prospect of this next few weeks is quite daunting for me. For the first time in 12 years, I have several weeks off. School is out for the summer... I have summer school in July, but that leaves the remainder of June and most of August free. Like those lazy summer days of my youth.

I have a list of projects-- things that I would *LOVE* to do with this free time. Ironically, given the opportunity, I will probably work just as hard, if not harder, while I'm home than if I was working. Because, like any other 'vacation', time is finite. I have to cram all the enjoyment into my time off before it's done.

Though, I do hate that I won't be making any money (or barely any) during this time period. As much as I'd love to work on those projects, I'd rather do things that make me money. I wish I could pay my mortgage with the completion of a novel, but alas, they don't accept unpublished manuscripts in lieu of payment.

I'm currently passing the halfway point in the target word count for the novel-in-progress. Maybe if I get this novel finished... and published, then I can stay home and work on projects and get paid for it too. Ah, to dream. And for the next month, I might just pretend I'm a stay-at-home-writer. =)

(Oh yeah, the parts arrived and I fixed the broken I key on my laptop. =)

How We Talk and What We Say

I love the versatility of words. I love playing with expected meanings and interpretations. Usually I play with them on paper because I don't think too quick on my feet in that regard. With the exception of making sexual innuendo, but I usually reserve that for my Hubby since not every appreciates good sexual innuendo.

One thing that is interesting to talk about is how I finished high school. There is great differences in connotation if I say that I dropped out versus if I say that I finished early. There's even a difference if I simple state that I finished early or if I say that I took my GED. The end results were the same-- I left a situation that bored the stuffing out of me and went on to be a successful college student and, if I may be so bold as to even say I'm a good teacher.

Of course what I choose to say also reflects something on me. I admit that in settings where it's not expected, I do like the shock value of telling people that the reasonably articulate, published author beside them dropped out of high school. Heh.

This sort of thing plays out in writing, as well. Not only do I look at what the character did, including motivation, but how do they talk about it? Bo is the best for pure ambiguity. She doesn't reveal much of anything to anyone (except maybe Axel) and the things she does say can often be taken to mean something else.

But other characters are fun to explore too. I like taking on different personas (in a miniature form) as I write characters and pick their words. From the self-righteous woman who very openly condemns the choices of others to the metrosexual guy who finds away to talk about himself in every sentences.

Now, the only problem is that I spend a dreadful lot of time on fairly minor characters. These characters show up for a conversation, maybe a second round later, but they're only a passing part of the story as Bo conducts her investigation. But yet, I'll work out the most trivial details related to their personality and choices. Down to the coffee ordered... and I don't even DRINK coffee. I prefer my caffeine in the form of Diet Pepsi.

Gender Roles

Came across this link to the pages from an old book called "I'm Glad I'm a Boy, I'm Glad I'm a Girl." It's a children's book that listed what girls and what boys do.

Of course, I find gender stereotyping amusing. Especially since in my life, the gender roles are fluid... and in some cases reversed. Like this weekend where I mowed the lawn and did the weed whipping while Hubby cleaned the house.

Now, when I write Bo Fexler, I don't think about gender very often. There are only a few situations where the fact that Bo is a woman really matter. And some situations where being a woman is decidedly an advantage.

I wouldn't want to be one of the men that Bo Fexler sets her sights on... though, one could hardly argue that any man under Bo's spell can really complain too much. ;-)

Insert Clever Title

Usually, I start with a premise. One of those what-if's that writers hold on to like a stubborn Labrador. I'll shake it around, see if it's any fun.

But, sometimes, I start with a title. The title may have the hints of a premise in it, but barely so. It's a rough starting point, but because I'm an idiot crazy stubborn, I may latch onto that title, determined to write a story with it, dammit.

Sometimes it works-- such as the previously published stories Sex Act (previously at MuzzleFlash,) Private Eyes and Ears (Crime and Suspense) and Missing but not Missed (BackAlley Webzine) and Mighty Maids Mystery (Yellow Mama.)

Sometimes, these story titles nag at me, progressing from "Oh, neat!" to something that should be printed off just so it can be burned. Right now, I have a couple titles that are just a pain in my stubborn side. Included on the list are: Bosom Buddies, Man of the Month, and Hit Woman. I think I finally got Hit Woman moving onto the completed list, but it's been a long time coming.

Of course, the irony is that more often than not, the title is the last thing I come up with. I can usually gauge if the story is "done" by whether or not I'm happy with the title. This is actually the problem with the aforementioned story "Hit Woman." I like the story, but I'm not sure that Hit Woman is an appropriate title anymore. Unfortunate since I do like the title.

However, because I need something to use as a file name, my stories have to have SOME title from the start. "Short story #37" just doesn't work when I'm looking for it. Without some description, some title, the story doesn't stick in my mind, thus making the file hard to keep track of. So, I end up with some stupid, lame title that bothers me every single time I double-click the little icon with the blue W. "Untitled Revenge Story" or "Poker" or "Skeleton Story." Or maybe it's the name of the case "Raskin Case" (which became "Failing Mark" and published at Long Story Short) or "Francis Thayer Whitaker" (which was later titled "Family Affairs of Adult Children" and published at Mysterical-E). Using the name of the case doesn't bother me quite as much, but it's still a reminder that I haven't come up with a clever title.

And then there's this little niggly problem with some of these too-clever titles that are just so apt for Bo Fexler stories. Or rather a problem that comes with working several jobs and being on several other computers. The file name stays in the recent file directory. I don't think having "Jailbait" or "Sex and Violence" show up on a public computer is a very good idea. Especially the school computers... where I teach and oversee the independent study classes.

Just one more thing for a crazy writer to muse about.

What do you do about stories and file names?

Non-Linear writing... and it's possible effects

I write linearly. That's just how I think. Very rarely will I skip ahead, but even then it's only a scene that I'm not sure how to write even though I'm pretty sure what will be revealed in it.

But I'm reading a book right now by a popular crime writer and I just keep getting the feeling that this author either doesn't write linearly and/ or didn't reread the work carefully. There are at least three scenes in less than five chapters were characters have similarly worded conversations. As if the author forgot that these characters already discussed these things. Okay, I can let that go-- in real life, people do say the same things more than once.

But then there's two sets of scenes that just seem out of sequence. In an early chapter, a peripheral character is introduced only in the barest way. No name, just what she has done for a major character. Then, a couple chapters later, this character has a scene in which it's explained what she does. I *really* think the second scene would be better coming first.

Partly, my preference is to have the explanation soon, especially if it's just something that occurs a couple times in the book. (In the book I'm reading, the peripheral character appears twice, and never even on page, just in reference.) If you're going to expalin who someone is, then do so the first time. NOt only that, in the book I'm reading, the second scene really seems like a nice get-to-know-the-characters scene.

There are several other examples, where the book just feels like chapters and scenes were moved around. It's not horrible, but it does feel like something's a little off with the book.

And maybe I wouldn't notice it so much if I didn't use this particular book in class, where I read it several times and even twice in a day.

I know, as a writer, I've forgotten things. Forgotten that I've alreayd used that opening or scene somewhere. Usually, though, if it feels a little familiar, I go and check.

Maybe the author of the book I'm reading did read it through. Maybe he was fine with the slightly disjointed effect. Maybe he liked the repeated scenes, since they were a little different. I don't know. Of course, the author the book I'm reading has had more books published than I have years of life... while I have some 50 short stories and an unpublished novel.

All I know is that as a reader (and re-reader) it bothers me just a bit.

My Bad

When this phrase first entered the language, it made me cringe. But, interestingly enough, I no longer cringe. In fact, now that I'm desensitized enough to it's utterance, I've been able to mull it over.

And, I think I kinda like it.

No, really, hear me out. The alternatives would be "my mistake," or "my error." Both are not only longer in syllables, but they are also more complicated in pronunciation. My bad is short, sweet, and easy to say.

My bad also accepts some degree of responsibility for an unfortunate situation. This is something that is so desperately lacking in much of our society. With responsibility taken, even if it's not specific what was done badly, some sort of apology is either implied or can easily be added.

I can accept the fluidity of language. While bad has long been an adjective, I can see it's use as a noun. "Bad" as is something bad, a mistake, a misjudgment, an error.

Like party moving from the land of verbs into the land of nouns.

So, I will readily admit that my initial reaction was misguided. I have revised my position on this slang phrase. I accept it and welcome it. And with it, hopefully, more people willing to accept their own role in things that go wrong.

As for "task" being used as a verb, I will likely go to my grave loathing this particular gem of corporate-speak.

Fascinating

Maybe you don't know it, but you're fascinating. I am intrigued by you. I don't even have to know you... but I see you. Maybe you're my neighbor. Or a person at the grocery store. You say or do something that catches my interest.

I want to know more about you. But between being shy and loathing when others intrude into my life (yes, I'm aware of the irony) I stay quiet.

But I'm studying you.

In my mind I'm coming up with questions about you. Why are you wearing a 4-20 shirt at a Pokemon trading card tournament? Who are you calling vile names on your phone in the greeting card aisle? What's this trip you're talking about with your less-than-interested-looking companion?

I start answering the questions. Maybe I go beyond that. Maybe I've given you some backstory. And maybe the interaction I've witnessed has sparked another idea. What if that oft-repeated threat of yours, short-blond-haired girl with the purse bigger than your head, what if you followed through on that? Who were you threatening? How did you pull it off? Sorry, but now you're a character. And I'll be writing something about you.

I'd still like to know what's really going on. Insatiable curiosity, you see. But, since I don't have that, I'll make something up. It's probably more interesting anyway. And besides, if I make it up, then I don't have to listen to you talk about stupid choices and other things that make my eyes roll. You'd probably irritate me if I knew you. So this works better, for the both of us.

The more tidbits I get on people's thinkings and mannerisms and habits, the more fodder it is for my writing. The more questions I can come up with new answers for. See, sometimes it's hard to get away from the way I think of things and to get into another person's head. If you give me something new and curious, yours just might be the head I get into.

Don't worry, I don't judge. I just collect. It's all so fascinating.

(Image from Wikimedia Commons)

Womanly

The question came up the other day about what it means to act like a woman. My first reaction is that however a woman acts is acting like a woman. Then, I went and mulled it over, brushing off some of my ideas and notions on what might be considered female behavior.

There is a broad range of "female" behavior. Somethings, like having babies, are still relegated only to women. But not all women do, either by choice or by chance. This does not make them less female.

Some women carry purses, wear high heels, and defer to the men in their lives. I would rather cut off my dominant hand and beat myself with it.

Many female traits, though, are considered negative. Most people don't really want to read a book where the main character doesn't do anything even though many women prefer to take the passive role. Being assertive isn't an inherently female trait. But there have always been women who took charge of their lives. Women who were very active.

I know a lot of young women who defer to their boyfriends. And some who will get married still defering to their partner. They won't stand up for themselves. Around some of them, I get a bloody lip from biting it so much...

But most men I know think that confidence is DAMN sexy. (I suspect that part of it is a belief that confidence outside the bedroom will also mean confidence, assertiveness, and active participation in the bedroom.)

It's a fine line between being confident (good) and being assertive (not good). Assertiveness viewed negatively is just plain labeled 'aggressive.' Aggression is pretty safely negative regardless of gender.

Is there a way that "women" talk? Perhaps it's about relationships. Or with deferential phrases that show that the woman is willing to be flexible in her opinion. If she even states an opinion. Sadly, "female" speech is more likely than male speech, in my experience, to be full of soft self-degradation. Men rarely talk that way. My Hubby says that I always sound like I know what I'm talking about, even when I may not. Does this mean I talk like "a man?"

What does it mean to act like a woman? What are the best things that women do?

(Pic from wikimedia commons)